Whatever your situation or circumstances, remember that other women have experienced similar circumstances, and you are not alone. We hope you find the information below helpful. To talk to someone about these or other parenting issues, please call (301) 662-5300. All calls are confidential.

1. If I can't afford to live on my own, where can I live with my baby?
   Explore all your housing options before you make any decisions. Look for a safe and affordable place. Consider your childcare options in each situation. Some possibilities may include:
   • Living with a friend or relative
   • Living with your parents or the birthfather's parents
   • Living in a group home for single mothers
   • Living in public subsidized housing (there may be a long waiting list)
   • Living in a home where you rent a room or basement


2. Can anyone help me with the cost of pre-natal care and delivery?
   Yes. There are government programs and sometimes private programs to assist with these costs. Most programs base any fees on a sliding scale (according to your income). Call your local Health Department for more information.



3. Can anyone help me with baby items?
   Private organizations like Care Net are eager to help you with maternity and baby clothing, other baby items such as cribs, strollers and toys, and much more. Your local pregnancy center (800-395-HELP) can connect you with parenting resources.



4. Childcare, formula and diapers are so expensive. How will I be able to afford it?
   There are government and private programs to assist you in these areas. Check with your local Women, Infants & Children Office (WIC), your local pregnancy care center (800-395-HELP), and other organizations that give away food & clothing.



5. How do I get support from the birthfather?
   The birthfather's legal responsibilities include providing financial support for your child. Most states have a child support enforcement agency which will withhold money from his paycheck if he is unwilling to pay. If the birthfather is unable to provide child support, you need to plan how you will care for your baby without it. A birthfather's support record may influence court decisions about custody and visitation rights.



6. What rights does the birthfather have?
   In some states, the birthfather's name is not even put on the birth certificate unless you request it. If he has signed a notarized paternity affidavit, he may have legal rights, including visitation and the right to deny or consent to medical decisions for your child. An attorney or your state department of social services representative will provide more details about the birthfather's rights and responsibilities. You and the birthfather should also discuss your individual rights and responsibilities. A child's needs are best met when birthparents work together.



7. I don't want to be a mother on welfare. Can I get job training?
   If you are receiving assistance, you may be eligible for programs which help with job training, tuition, and childcare. Otherwise, you might rely on educational grants and loans while working to cover living expenses and childcare. Many colleges and universities are now offering special programs that are geared toward working adults. Classes are offered in the evening, on weekends, and online through the Internet. Single parenting often means altering your goals and plans. But with determination and job training, you can achieve greater security for yourself and your baby.



8. Can I be forced to quit high school?
   Most schools will encourage you to continue your education. Some schools offer night classes, in-home tutoring, childcare, and even transportation. You may decide to take a semester off while you adjust to single parenting, but you can still reach your educational goals. Contact the schools in your county or district to see what they have to offer.



9. How will single parenting affect my dating?
   Parenting may limit your dating. When you choose to parent, your child's needs will demand most of your attention. Some people you date may not want to take second place to your child. Others will not mind that you are parenting. Before getting into a serious relationship, consider the effect on your child. Try to balance freedom and responsibility. It is also important to allow yourself some "fun time", or you may begin to resent your child.



10. How do I explain to my child why there is no father in our home?
    An absent father may be hard for a child to understand. Explain that because of complicated circumstances, he is unable to be regular part of your family. You need to talk as positively about the birthfather as you can without being dishonest. Even if you don't like him, he is still special to your child.



11. What rights do grandparents have?
    State laws vary about grandparents' custody and visitation rights. By law, birthparents are the only ones who have rights and responsibilities toward the child. However, grandparents are important in your child's life and history. They can also be very helpful. View their help, however, as a temporary solution. It is important for you to be as idependent as possible. If you do live with your parents or grandparents, they have a right to certain expectations and to set a few rules.



12. Can I still choose adoption later if parenting doesn't work out?
    If single parenting becomes too difficult and you decide to consider adoption, you are not a bad parent. It takes courage to realize that you cannot provide all your child's needs by yourself, but separating from a child with whom you have bonded can be difficult for the parent and for the child. A trusted and wise couselor can help you and your child through this process. Look for an adoption agency that will help you make an adoption plan that meets your needs.

*Adapted and used by permission. Courtesy of Bethany Christian Services. For an information packet about Bethany, call 1-800-BETHANY or visit their website at www.bethany.org.